Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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