saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
