i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
