i think my tv is drunk
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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