Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
