guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
