I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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