I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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