Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
