So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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