I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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