The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
