Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I will pee on everything he values.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
