im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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