Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
