Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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