our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
