i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
