That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
