I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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