i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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