Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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