I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
