he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
