My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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