Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
