sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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