That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
