After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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