I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
