Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
