Having a random hookup so left but love u
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
