You made me cry and you don't even care
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sext me about skeletons
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
