They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
