Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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