Jerry, you need to find god
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
