she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Randomize
