It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
