my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
