You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize