if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
