She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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