I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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