the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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