I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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