i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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