Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
