wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
