So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
