his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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