discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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