I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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