rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
