We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I need to calm my uterus...
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