You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
