Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize