Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize