I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
