Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
