I want to have your abortion
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
