im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
