I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
