it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He? As in you personified your dick?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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