I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
