would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
