He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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