I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize