I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
