Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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