im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
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