Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
