This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
