the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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