Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
