she smelled like a LAN party
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
