I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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