He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
