I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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