It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
