i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
