when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
