This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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