My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
sex in a hospital.. check
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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