when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
