i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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