You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
