he wants to bone in the snuggie
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
