the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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