cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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