i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
