Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
