check it out our google latitudes are spooning
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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