thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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