Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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