I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
