so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
