I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i was born a porn star she said
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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