You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
