You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize