She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
