If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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