the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
