the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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